Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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