o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
