If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
