Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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