Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
