I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
