Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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