what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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