when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
