Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
