that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
