I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
