my sisters under your porch take her home
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You were trust falling into bushes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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