I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
