areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
