Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
