She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
