i can't believe i had my finger in that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
