Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Randomize
