you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
