piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
