I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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