Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
