What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
