I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
