oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
