a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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