i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
