You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
