Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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