Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
