Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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