I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
