Got a toothbrush?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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