I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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