nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
