I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
