I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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