a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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