you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
