Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
