six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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