When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
