i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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