went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
