A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
