can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
