Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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