i need an iv and a liver transplant
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
