i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
