omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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